Pretend (체하다)

Yes, it sounded so bizarre to pretend, to bury my true feelings

It is so hard for me to understand the fact that not everyone can do it like the book

Not everyone can deny that not they shed a tear on a sunny day

Not all lovers can pretend to have smiled at every sweet glance

Not all girls can say "no" to the first boy who comes out in the way

Yeah, not all of us can deny that we didn't feel love at first kiss

Beautiful moments cannot be hidden for long

And yet most of the time disappointment and sadness come out first

It's harder to hide a smile and easier to show the bitter tears on your face

It's so hard you to lie, that you don't feel an emptiness in your heart when you know you've been lied,pulled on string

That your suffering was have been cured, that your sacrifices were rewarded

Lies, oh ,and when I think that it is to me about so easy to hide what I'd really like to say

I always hide the truth, I reveal the things I want to sink

The things I regret having done, I hate, my body feels it

My heart  feels the  strain and fear,and my conscience tells me that I took the wrong first step

That of choosing to pretend instead of saying clearly what hurts me

To pretend that everything is fine with  even when I feel like I can't look in the mirror

To pretend to love even when i hate,Even when I feel like the shards of glass are tearing my heart apart more and more

What kind of a being am I? Will I ever be able to forgive myself for the stupidity I am doing now

I will be able to forgive the fact that I pretended to be happy with someone who did not deserve my attention?

I will be able to fully accept the fact that I decided to say "no" to good things and "yes" to bad things?

One day I will be able to put my life on paper?

Anyway when i get rid of all the vices i will have to start my life from scratch

From the day I won't lie anymore I will really learn to value and love as I like

To I look up to the stars and say "I bloomed for the second time"

That a new hope has caught wings in my heart sunk in ashes

That a new galaxy has opened for me to the happiness that many liars crave

I hope that all the unpleasant things I say now do not destroy my entire future

I know that lying will not be to my advantage but to the advantage of the one who tries to use me

To suppose that I offer confidence to the one who tries to  troubled up my dreams and fears

I pretend I don't hear the way he utter my name, the way he scold me day after day

I pretend not to see the way he likes to make me suffer

To assume that he never lied to me, that he not passed over me

That you didn't spend your time with someone else, that you always were in the my right , regardless of problems

Let's assume that I'm the one who misjudged, that I'm the one who decided to us break up

I pretend I'm the one who ran towards  you

Suppose I was the one who first twisted the knife in  wound

Let's pretend I'm the one who decided accept no more  excuses

To pretend that I don't care, that everything is as it should be

Suppose you were the one who woke me up from insomnia

Let's pretend I made you feel blue and abandoned

Let's pretend that I clipped your wings so you couldn't fly, that I was the one who I made you of laugh in front of everyone

I claim that I am to blame for everything that all happened to

I pretend to run away like a coward   in the arms of another

I pretend to be someone else, an impostor in your life

Pretend, pretend until one day when all the burden will fall on your shoulders

Until the night with  the new moon when all the lies will burn before your eyes

I'm waiting for the day when my mouth will be allowed to tell things by their names

When all those who endured your insults will come to demand your account

Everything has an end, the lie begins and ends in the middle

I feel that a part of me is telling me to forget prejudices

But I don't want to do that, I want to show the world that regardless of the decisions she makes, a strong woman does not let herself be brought down by the 

Irina Catalina gio🦄🙂(